


An average mind

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: Comfort, Friendship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, after graduation, slow relationship build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 03:26:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1181328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruka shows up at Makoto's apartment one day after a talk with his mother leaves him paranoid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The rain

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy, I feel like this'll be an emotionally draining one to write on my part. The rest of the characters will appear in the next chapter! Feel free (snort) to give me advice or comments about it.

Makoto shook his head disapprovingly at the storm outside.

“Aah… I wanted to go out and get some shopping…” He looked sadly at his fridge, knowing without looking in it that he had, at most, dinner for tonight and something for the morning. It was a small fridge, necessary for his tiny kitchen, but it was big enough to hold food for a good month and a bit if he planned well with the rest stored in his few shelves. He was normally very good at organising his shopping but this month he’d ran out quicker than usual. “I’ll have to tell Nagisa to ration his trips here…”

Makoto loved his apartment, he’d stayed there for a year now and while he did miss the sounds of his younger siblings running around the privacy was nice. It was big enough to comfortably hold all his friends when they wanted to visit but small enough to be cosy and easy to keep with his part time job.

Since graduating he didn’t see his friends almost every day like he was used to, the acceptance of that fact came slowly, but he still received emails and phone calls often enough to know what was going on in their lives as well as before.

That coupled with the aforementioned trip from Nagisa made the transition easy.

He didn’t really have to worry about any noise from the streets as he lived on the third floor which sometimes was a good thing but sometimes felt quite lonely. Not like he’d hear much tonight, all that he could hear outside was the thumping of the rain against the concrete and glass.

He chewed his lip as he thought about what he’d do if the weather was the same tomorrow, as he stopped himself thinking he exited the kitchen, he decided he would resign himself to his room until it was time to cook dinner.

**Thump, thump, thump**

Makoto jumped at that noise and reflectively brought up an arm to shield himself. After a few seconds of silence the noise repeated and he realised it was the door, the tall man let out an embarrassed sigh and went to answer it, the door opened quickly with the wind pushing it.

 Makoto winced at the sudden gust of cold, wet wind in his face and squinted to see who was there. Despite the stinging cold his eyes widened as he saw the shaking figure leaning against the frame.

Haruka stood there weakly, his blue t-shirt was sheer with the pounding rain. His ragged pants were barely audible over the wind but his heaving chest told the story.

“Ha-Haru?!” Makoto moved out the way for him to come in but to his surprise he stayed there, Haruka’s body seemed to jerk as he slowly slid down the frame. Makoto’s body tensed as he saw that, his hands reached out and grabbed his shoulders to keep him upright, his hands clutching his shoulders tight so as to not loose grip. While not exactly a dead weight Haruka barely made an effort to stand, his head drooped to gaze at the floor.

With some effort Makoto pulled him into the living room and sat him on the couch, Haruka gratefully helping with a few shaky steps, he knelt in front of Haruka and looked him in the eyes. Even with him kneeling on the floor he was almost eye level.

 Harukas purple eyes were blank, barely focussing, and had been rubbed red around the edges. Makoto looked him over quickly to see if he was hurt then returned his gaze.

“Haru… What happened?”

Time passed slowly with no answer. After the realisation he wasn’t going to get a reply Makoto sighed softly and stood up and left the living room, he came back after a short time with a blanket and some tea.

Makoto turned a portable heater on to help with the cold the storm had brought it, which sounded like it was getting worse. The whole apartment was silent apart from the soft hum of the small white machine.

After multiple attempts to hand him a fresh shirt Makoto sighed again and held the green clump of cloth in his hands as he gently sat and watched Haruka intently from the coffee table opposite him, he was just happy he wasn’t outside in the storm anymore and it was clear he wasn’t hurt.

That was normally what he did with Haruka, he knew he couldn’t rush him when it came to his emotions.

The concept was hard to grasp when they were younger but Makoto caught on quickly enough.

Right now, he was upset. That much was obvious.

The couch had developed a large dark patch were the water from Haruka had seeped through. The dark haired man leaned against the back of the couch, looking down into the hot cup that warmed up his hands and thighs. Since he wasn’t hunched over anymore Makoto could see that he was getting taller lately, although so was Makoto which left the gap between them still consistent for the third year in a row. After an uncounted amount of minutes his eyes calmed down and were no longer red but still held a light pink tinge. Softly and slowly Haruka opened his mouth, Makoto assumed he was going to take a sip of his tea so wasn’t ready when the soft words leaked out of his chapped lips.

 “Have I been worse lately?”

Makoto jumped slightly at the broken silence. With a sincere smile he relaxed and tilted his head slightly.

“At what?” His tone was calm and patient, a tone Haruka had come to know very well. Haruka raised his head with some effort and looked into Makoto’s eyes for the first time since he arrived, which made Makoto blink in surprise.

“At talking.” There was a few seconds silence, Makoto made an amused noise and smiled wider.

“I don’t think so. You talk to your friends after all and you have opened up remarkably over the years.” His face was soft and kind, his words somehow sounded more genuine coming out of such a tender expression. “While you do still shut people out at times.. You’ve been smiling more. I noticed that.”

A few seconds more of silence. The atmosphere was hard to decipher, it wasn’t tense but it wasn’t calm either. The cold gave the air a chilling lightness that was combated by the heaters warmth that brought a comforting heaviness. Haruka’s eye contact didn’t break during this silence.

“My mother called today to ask about my new place. She said… It had gotten worse.” Haruka tried hard but his words came out tense, which made Makoto tense as well. To his surprise Makoto looked annoyed.

“What would she know? She only calls every few months.. I can’t remember the last time she saw you in person.” He was going to say more but he noticed something in Haruka’s face. The second he had spoken those words his throat had closed, a sting gripping his neck. His features tensed up as he looked at the ground again. Makoto paused and waited, worrying about what he’d just said.

“She said she… Thought she’d failed as a mother because she couldn’t tell what I was feeling.”

Makoto couldn’t figure out a way to respond, he had no idea how that could feel. He stared into Harukas eyes, his face confused and concerned. With no words coming to mind he reached out his hand that had the shirt in it. Haruka paused before reaching out and gently pulling it out of his hand.

“Call her tomorrow, I’m sure she didn’t mean to say that. People can say strong things in the heat of the moment.” He offered a small smile which he didn’t expect to be returned. “Stay here tonight, we can talk after you wash up.”

Haruka nodded a little and stood up shakily. Makoto stood up too, ready to catch him if he fell, and watched as he took the blanket and shirt to the bathroom with him.

After he heard the shower turn on he went to the fridge and silently begged he’d have enough to feed him too. He had a couple of eggs, some leftover rice and miso soup along with a small portion of meat and vegetables.

Mentally he cooked it to see if there would be enough and wondered if Haruka would be fine without mackerel for once, not realising that he was mentally giving Haruka a bigger portion. Even though it’d be a mix he knew he had enough for both of them to share a dinner.

After allowing Haruka an extra-long time to soak in his bath he called him for dinner. They mostly ate in silence with Makoto glancing at him from time to time, his concern grew as he saw he was mostly just gently poking his food.

“Makoto.”  His expression didn’t change and his gaze stayed to his half eaten meal. Makoto perked, intent to hear what he had to say. Haruka slowly lifted his head to look at him. “I want to see a doctor.”

The air suddenly got very heavy. Makoto knew what he knew by that, he knew very well. The brown haired mans expression turned concerned.

“Haru… Just because of what your mother said? She doesn’t-”

“I want to prove to her that there’s nothing wrong with me.” Haruka interrupted, his eyes tensed, he looked determined in a way that Makoto couldn’t argue with. With a sigh Makoto let himself deflate and nodded slightly.

“I don’t think she thinks there’s something wrong with you, Haru, and even if she somehow did there isn’t… But if you want to, we’ll go. Ok?” He offered a small smile. “We’ll set an appointment and go ask.”

Haruka paused before nodding slightly, his shoulders drooped from their tense position. Makoto smiled at that and went back to his small meal.

Nothing else was said about the matter that night. Nothing else needed to be said. Haruka helped set up his bed for the night and they sent the rest of the evening talking about either Haruka’s new place, which was only a ten minute walk to the pool, or whatever subject happened to come up at the time. In the back of both of their minds they felt the uncomfortable presence of their earlier conversation but Haruka couldn’t talk about it anymore, and Makoto didn’t out of courtesy to him.

As he sat on his bed listening to Haruka talk about the state of the public pool and his filed complaint about it Makoto felt a sting. Even though it wasn’t discussed he knew how upset he was, and couldn’t stop imagining Haruka running through the pounding rain to come to his apartment, to come for some comfort. To perhaps come to dispel what she had said. Makoto was more annoyed than worried about the subject, Haruka was different but the fact that his mother got the idea into his head that something was ‘wrong’ with him just annoyed him.

Makoto had no intention of making an appointment with the doctor. He knew nothing was wrong with Haruka and didn’t want to get him worried about nothing. He’d speak to him tomorrow after shopping.

 _Well hopefully this will be over soon._ Makoto thought as he stared at his ceiling, Haruka’s deep breathing and the storm outside the only thing he could hear. _I’ll just prove to him that he’s just Haru, nothing more nothing less..._

_It'll be sorted inside of the week, I bet._


	2. Doctors appointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka needs to know either way, but what will be the outcome?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot for the kudos on the first chapter, I can't promise I'll update this quickly next time but hey I'm writing a fanfic on valentines day I obviously have a lot of spare time. Point out any errors if you see them and enjoy, thank you!

**“Haru… Uh….”**

The dark clouds were spotted around the sky and threatened to brew another storm. The pair took their chance to go out while they could.

Apparently everyone else in the shop felt the same, every aisle had at least two or three people who filled their baskets and trollies. While it wasn’t overcrowded the extra presence was noticeable.

Makoto inspected the cardboard box in his hand and mentally counted if it’d be worth the price, his thumb gently rubbed the cardboard as if the texture would change his mind, the mild concentration faltered when he felt Haruka take a step closer to him, when he glanced in his direction he saw that his eyes were unfocused again and roughly looked in the direction of the shelves. He was still wearing the shirt Makoto had given him the day before and while he wasn’t a small man it was still noticeably baggy around the shoulders.

“Haru?” He questioned his friend as he put the box back with its identical counterparts. Haruka didn’t answer at first, his eyes flicked to the side a little.

“It’s very crowded.”  Haruka stated as he began to scan the boxes in front of him. Makoto smiled and gave a noise of acknowledgement. “Can we talk about last night?”

Makoto paused at that segue. The way he had brought that up was like he wanted to be distracted but he was surprised at the suggested subject. He let out a breath and looked at him, his voice slightly lowered so as to not be overheard.

“Look, I don’t think you need to go. You’re worrying yourself over nothing. Either way you’ll still be Haru, what’s the point in making yourself-”

“I need to do this Makoto.” Haruka’s stern tone surprised Makoto. It was hardly silent in the shop but everything seemed quieter during the next few seconds. Makoto looked into his eyes, he knew he wouldn’t budge.

With a soft sigh he walked down the aisle and looked at the vegetables on display, Haruka followed closely eager for him to talk.

The vegetables were fresh although many of the better ones had already been taken, they filled the air with a cleansing smell. Makoto took a deep breath in through the nose and let it out of his mouth to clear his head. He tried to think about why this bothered him so much but it wasn’t the time or the place.

“I’ll call them up when I finish shopping, ok?” He made himself smile a little. “Sorry Haru.”

Haruka nodded slightly and looked over the vegetables with him. He stood close enough for the fabrics of their shirts to rub together but neither of them noticed. Makoto leaned in to inspect some of the produce, Haruka’s hands clenching slightly by his sides.

“We’re going together, right?” Makoto paused in the middle of picking up some celery to smile at him.

“Of course, Haru!”

**“I can’t make it. I’m really sorry. Will you… Be ok?”**

**\----**

No attempts to make the waiting room cosy worked. The sounds of the staff and other people all came out hollow and cold, the walls covered in posters that warned about hidden diseases and suicide prevention. Not a thing was personal and left the room in an uncomfortable limbo of clinical hospital and a stranger’s house.

Too clean, too quiet.

“Haru… Are you still there?” Makoto’s voice came through the phone softly. Haru’s grip on the phone tightened ever so slightly as he stared at the floor, his ear aching from how closely it was pressed to it. “I told them about today but… Some really important paperwork was destroyed when the roof leaked and I need to help…” He knew that no matter what he said it wouldn’t alleviate his guilt. There was a long pause that lasted forever. “You can cancel and come back another day, Haru. You don’t have to go in alone.”

“Nanase Haruka?” A nurse called out as she looked around the room. Haruka looked up slowly.

Makoto was left with the silence, a silence that carved a pit deep in his chest.

\----

“Aaah, where are Mako and Haru?” Nagisa leant on his hands as he scanned the café. Nagisa had barely changed apart from his now more prominent jawline and a few inches to add to his height. On one of the hands he was leaning on he had a small silver ring on his ring finger that was engraved with a beautiful pattern.

Every month the group of friends tried to meet up at least once in generally the same place. The little café Nagisa, Rei and Rin were in was almost the same distance away from everyone’s respective apartments so it was the perfect and most common place for them. The smell of fresh rolls, cake and coffee was deadly to their appetites. Especially because their friends were half an hour late.

 “Probably caught in the storm.” Rei adjusted his glasses as he looked out the window. The rain wasn’t too bad today but Makoto was usually one of the first there closely followed, if not accompanied, by Haruka. “Remember how slow we had to drive in our car?”

Rei still sported stylish red frames, although these ones were more crimson than his last loyal pair. His body had barely changed as well apart from the change of muscle ratio as his swimming practises changed his body to be more appropriate to the sport. He had a twin of Nagisa’s ring on the same finger as he did.

“Hey if I made it here before them I say we order something.” Rin grinned a little and leaned forward. He had grown broad rather than tall and with more defined cheekbones. “You know they won’t say anything against us giving in.”

Nagisa perked at that and looked at Rei hopefully. Rei sighed a little and shook his head.

“No, we should wait! Makoto and Haruka never started without us before.” Rei gave a half-hearted glare at Nagisa, the blonde proceeded to slink into his chair, however within a few seconds he started to deflate himself. “Maybe we should call… I am quite hungry.”

Their attention turned to the café door as it opened, they all instantly recognised Makoto’s large frame despite it being hunched and wet with a waterproof hood covering his brown hair. Makoto stood up straight and wiped his face to dispel the wet and cold while he looked for his friends. As he walked over the upset look that the group assumed was because of the storm didn’t fade.

“Mako? What’s wrong?” Nagisa stood and walked to his friend before he could reach them, he reached and touched his arm. Makoto took a second to get his breath back before answering.

“Haru hasn’t been answering my calls for two days now and I didn’t get an answer when I knock on his door.” He fought with himself for a second about whether to add anything about the doctor’s appointment before he decided not to. Everyone perked, echoing worry.  Rei slowly stood up too and walked up to him, he knew already they would leave and try to talk to Haruka. “I know he’s there.” Makoto couldn’t help but feel a knot inside him that tightened and stung as he thought of Haruka alone.

“What’s wrong with him?” Rin tried to read Makoto’s expression, which held something more than concern. He grabbed his hoodie and zipped it up.

“I…” Makoto tried to think about how he should phrase it. “I think he needs his friends, he had a fight with his mother a few days ago and… You should hear the rest from him…”

They all noticed careful words and grew more concerned. Without agreeing on what they were going to do they all left the café and made their way to Rei’s car, Rin was reluctant to leave his bike there but after being assured they’d come back he got in too.

Makoto refused to say a word about what he knew as they drove.

All the way to Haruka’s apartment.

\---

The lights were off, the curtains drawn.

 _“How long have you been acting like this?”_  
  
The whole apartment was silent. The air stale from the windows being closed so long.  
  
 _“Do you have very strong interests? Do you feel upset or frustrated if you can’t pursue them?”_  
  
Haruka stared at the ceiling, his body submerged up to his head in the cold bath water. He remembered being happy when he realised his new bath would be big enough to let his legs stretch out.

_“Do you express yourself often?”_

His personality, read out like symptoms.

His mind was both blank and full. He had no idea how to feel. In the back of his mind he could hear Makoto’s calming, genuine, reassuring voice but it was so quiet over the newer, clinical tone of the doctors.

_“Either way, you’re still Haru.”_

_“Our tests show you may have a case of mild autism.”_


End file.
